Updated: Oct 25, 2019
Self-love is so critical to your overall well-being because this is one of the basics for building the foundation of your well-being. Love leads to trust. Love leads to respect. Love leads to healthy boundaries. When it comes to having a healthy relationship with yourself, self-love has to be there.
But many times, that lack of self-love tends to wear a mask and we think we love ourselves but in reality we don’t. It is when we lack self-love that we find ourselves in situations where we not only question ourselves but we question whether or not we deserve certain things, we self-sabotage, and the list goes on.
So with this said, how does lack of self-love looks like? Lack of self-love looks like you coming up with excuses for why someone disrespects you. It masks itself in you blaming yourself all the time for everything that goes wrong. It looks like you abandoning certain aspects of you and so you seek elsewhere for what you think you need. Lack of self-love also reveals itself in the choices that you make. Lack of self-love wears many masks that it is not possible to discuss them all in one post but I will focus on the ones I just mentioned here.
I’m going to elaborate a little bit on each of these things. The first one which is you coming up with excuses for why someone disrespects you. First off, there are no excuses or reasons for someone to disrespect you, I don’t care what the other person claims their reasons are. Someone disrespecting you is a reflection of who they are and how they feel about themselves. You allowing the disrespect is a reflection of the way you feel about yourself. You allowing the disrespect means you don’t feel deserving of respect which means you don’t love yourself. Remember that love is respect.
The second mask that lack of self-love wears is you blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong. There is a big difference between taking responsibility for what happens in your life and blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong. One leads to greater well-being because it leads to growth and the other is just plain negative and only chips from your self-esteem. There is a negative energy to blaming because it is accusatory. It implies that you did something so wrong and only you did wrong. There is no learning from the experience with blame. Blame leads to shame. There is no love in shame.
The third mask is you abandoning certain aspects of yourself and searching elsewhere for what you think you need. First, the things that you actually need you won’t find it elsewhere. That is because it first resides within you. You abandoning certain aspects of yourself means you not tending to your own needs, you not paying attention to your emotions. It’s also you not filling yourself up with the love, care and attention you need. You first need you before anyone else needs you. No one else needs you more than you.
The fourth thing I mention is that lack of self-love reveals itself in the choices you make. You want to know if you truly love yourself? Just look at the choices you make on a daily basis. What are the choices you make when it comes to food? What are the choices you make when it comes to friends? What are the choices you make when it comes to companionship? What are the choices you make when it comes to your feelings? All these, if you take a close look, will reveal to you whether or not you truly love yourself.
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