I’ve had some people wanting me to post about grief, especially since I lost my dad back in May of 2016. Those who know me well, knew some of the hard times I’ve had. Somehow at this time it is difficult for me to write about grief because I am still grieving my dad. Nonetheless, grief doesn’t only apply to when we lose a loved one to death, one can grief the ending of many things like the ending of a job that one love, the end of a relationship, the end of a friendship, and the list goes on. So how does one deal with these kinds of grief that I just discussed? Although I think no one and nothing is replaceable, I think the best remedy is to allow yourself to feel the emotions you feel, go through the grieving process but always look forward to new memories.
We as human beings have a need to belong, feel needed and of connection. This is because this provides us with some sense of purpose. We need purpose because that is what gives our life meaning. Without purpose, life just feels meaningless and life is not meaningless at all.
Grief is a process that we all will go through at some point of our life and we all go through it in different ways. For two years, a part of me was in denial of my dad’s passing, and mind you, I was there when he passed away. Denial is one of the stages to grieving. Then it hit me on year 2 of his passing that he is actually physically gone. During the two years that I was in denial, I did gain weight. I gained weight because a big part of me didn’t want to feel the emotions I was feeling. This is a big mistake.
Not wanting to feel your emotions is a big mistake because all these emotions will find an outlet somehow. That outlet can be alcohol to numb your emotions, overeating or not eating much, smoking, shopping excessively, among many other things that can mask your emotions.
In any kind of loss that you may have, it’s important to allow yourself to go through the stages that you have to go through and feel your emotions. Know that life goes through different seasons. With any kind of loss, it’s important to allow things to flow. Allow yourself to process what happened. Allow yourself to feel the impact of this loss. Allow yourself to experience the stage of grief however way it needs to go through. But, if you notice that you are hitting rock bottom, please seek help. Know that you are not alone. And remember one very important thing, it’s important that no matter the loss, know that you have new memories to look forward to.
If you are going through a divorce, know that you have even more beautiful memories to experience because the person that is for you has yet to arrive. If someone who you thought was your friend for many years all of a sudden that friendship is broken, know that you have even more beautiful memories to experience with other people who have yet to arrive in your life. You lost a job that you so care about, know that you have even more beautiful memories to look forward to since a bigger and better door has yet to open. You lost a person you care about because they passed away, you still have beautiful memories to look forward to, even if that person will no longer be a part of those new memories.
The reason why you want to remind yourself that you have new memories to look forward to is because when we remain in the thought of what is lost, that can set us back even more, contributing to us hitting rock bottom. Grieving a loss is only natural. That is not something for you to avoid or force yourself not to go through. But what you don’t want to do is remain in the feelings and thoughts of that loss for too long to the point where that is your only focus point.
For as hard as it may be to accept, it is important to always keep in the back of our mind that nothing is forever, not even we are forever. This is the reason why we need to enjoy the present time we have, make the most of it, and know that there are new memories to look forward to always. This mentality is what will allow you to be resilient during very hard times. Wherever the mind goes, the body will follow.
So with today’s post, I want to encourage you if you find yourself feeling very low due to a loss, please remember that you have new memories to look forward to. I dedicate today’s post to my mother who is sadden by my dad’s passing since they have known each other since they were 11 years old. This is because I want her to remember that she still has new memories to look forward to, even if my dad is no longer in those new memories.
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