What Self-Care Is Not: The Unconventional Ways of Self-Care

We have been taught for so long that self-care looks like having a massage, getting your nails done, getting your hair cut or even taking yourself out on a date. Nothing wrong with any of this except that these are superficial ways of "taking care" of yourself and in this blog, I will break down what self-care truly is and the unconventional ways of self-care.

Btw, I wrote taking care in quotation marks for a reason and that is because all those things that I mentioned in the previous paragraph that one may consider as taking care of oneself is more like treating yourself so you can feel good and I'll go more into this in a bit because it's so important to know the difference.

The truth is, real self-care is often not the kind of thing you can post about. It’s not always beautiful or relaxing or easy. Sometimes self-care looks like sitting alone in your room and facing the parts of yourself you’ve been avoiding. It looks like asking yourself the hard questions, the ones that stir discomfort but lead to healing. Self-care can look like ending a relationship that no longer supports your growth, even if it breaks your heart. It can be stepping away from a job that drains your soul, even when it scares you. It can also be taking full ownership of your emotions and admitting that something needs to change.

One of the most overlooked and unconventional forms of self-care is radical honesty. This means telling yourself the truth about what you feel, what you need, and what you can no longer continue to tolerate. It means releasing the pressure to keep pretending everything is fine just to keep the peace around you. There is something profoundly healing about no longer lying to yourself. That, too, is a form of care.

Another form of self-care that rarely gets talked about is grief—grieving the past versions of yourself that you outgrew, the dreams you abandoned to please others, the years you spent silencing your voice. We often resist grief, but in doing so, we resist the healing that comes with it. Allowing yourself to mourn, to release, and to feel is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself.

Self-care also includes protecting your energy, saying “no” without feeling guilty, trusting your gut even when it doesn’t make sense to others, and creating boundaries that support your well-being. It is forgiving yourself for what you didn’t know before, while also giving yourself permission to do better now. These things may not be glamorous, but they are necessary.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with the manicures, massages, or date nights with yourself. These are beautiful and nourishing. But we must learn to distinguish between treating ourselves and caring for ourselves. Treats are momentary, they lift your mood. True care, on the other hand, builds your foundation. It reconnects you with yourself. It stabilizes your inner world so that your outer world becomes a reflection of that wholeness.

Self-care is not a one-time event. It’s a commitment to yourself. It’s the practice of tending to your emotional, mental, and spiritual needs, even when no one is watching. And perhaps most importantly, it’s the decision to come home to yourself again and again, until your own presence feels like the safest and most peaceful place to be.

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